You Know You Have "Cataphobia" When.....

  1.   You refer to going to the bathroom as "using
        the litterbox".
  2.   You do not consider an outfit complete
        without some cat hair.
  3.   You consider cat hair in your food as extra fiber.
  4.   You apologize when you step on a fuzzy cat toy
        in the dark.
  5.   You snap your fingers & pat the sofa beside you
        to invite your guests to sit down.
  6.   You sleep on one edge of the bed because the cat is
        sleeping in the middle looking sooo cute.
  7.   You accidentally put your child's dinner plate
        on the floor.
  8.   You spend more money on toys for your cats
        than on the kids or grandkids.
  9.   You decorate your Christmas tree with
        dangly cat toys.
10.   Your neighbors refer to you as "the crazy one with
        all the cats".
11.   You have more pictures of your cats than your kids
        in your wallet.
12.   You refer to your cat as your furry child.
13.   Your parents wind up with a four-footed,
        furry "grandchild".
14.   You plan your vacation around the cat show schedule.
15.   You accidentally call your spouse by your cat's name.
16.   You set a place at the dinner table for your cat.
17.   You have a set of towels with "His" "Hers"
        and "Kitty's".
18.   You call home and leave a message on the answering
        machine for your cat.
19.   You have the cat meow on the outgoing message of
        the answering machine.
20.   You and kitty have matching outfits.
21.   Your spouse says, "Me or the cat!," and there's
        no hesitation.
22.   You never go to the door unless it's to let a cat out.
23.   Your favorite friends have fleas.
24.   You chose a house to buy based on it having a good
        location for the catbox.
25.   You think cat fur makes a wonderful garnish
        to any meal.
26.   You own 17 varieties of kitty-nail-clippers.
27.   You are lost for conversation with non-cat people.
28.   You meow so well, you confuse the cats.
29.   You bore the neighbors with discussions on the
        exact nutritional differences between 9-Lives
        and Amore... at length.
30.   And the Number 1 reason why you know you have
        Cataphobia is when you say "Meow, Meow"
        to your spouse instead of saying "Goodnight"!.

Cat Commandments

Thou shall not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem.

Thou shall not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.

Thou shall not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.

Thou shall not sit in front of the television or monitor as though Thou are
transparent.

Thou shall not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.

Thou shall not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.

Thou shall not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.

Thou shall not leap from great heights onto thy human's genital region.

Fast as Thou are, Thou cannot run through closed doors.

Thou shall not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.

Thou shall not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thee will
fall in and trap thyself.

Thou shall not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.

Thou shall not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4a.m.

Thou shall realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at
any opportunity.

Thou shall not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.

Thou shall not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy
house.

Thou shall remember that Thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not
meat.

Thou shall show remorse when being scolded.